Widow

Peace.

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This is the evidence presented to me.

Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.

Dalai Lama

I haven’t typed out some vibes lately. I have been obtaining peace of mind.

Memorial weekend was an emotional roller coaster. I still battle depression and I am still overcoming my deep heartbreak.

I believe in Energy, and spirituality. I believe Brian’s spirit is with us everyday.

I am apart of a Spirit Squad. Psychic medium Jennie Fuscaldo goes live every Wednesday and speaks to her audience. When spirit comes through, she will present evidence and if it pertains to you, call in. Well the Wednesday after memorial, Brian was the first to come through.

Now I know many people are skeptics, and I by no means am here to sway you. But this message Brian gave me, has brought inner peace that I’ve been longing for. Brian spoke to me.

He wanted to apologize. For all the shit I had been getting from his family. He reassured me, I wasn’t at fault for his crime. He was so proud of my progress in my life. He wanted me to know, he was there. He knew of everything that had happened since his death. He “SAW ALL”. He knew. He knew I cried every week for the longing of his presence. He knew of my journey starting an organization in his honor.

Let me be the first to say, as a widow, we long for reassurance, gratification, guidance, support.

I cannot tell you the peace. Hearing from Brian. Hearing that he was there through it all. I appreciated that. Jennie doesn’t know me, didn’t know anything of me, but yet connected pieces and told of how Brian’s personality really was.

I am glad I got the message. Also my grandfather came through and wanted to send love to my grandmother.

Now there is another side to this.

In my current world, I have grown to fall in love again. I’ve fallen in love with another child, and another man.

I don’t compare Brian to Lenny or vice versa. Lenny really takes care of me, and he’s in touch with me as a human. He has loved me unconditionally throughout all of my tragedy. He hasn’t asked for anything in return. So you can imagine, when hearing from my dead husband, and getting a sense of peace, it can tear Lenny a new one. He felt inadequate. Which I totally understand. Who wouldn’t ?

Time is healing me and eventually, I won’t need Brian’s spirit to connect with me like I used to. Lenny fills so many holes in my heart, and has really gone above and beyond to provide for my kids. Anberlynn and Lenny have a bond. They can talk about things, she wouldn’t talk to me about. She see’s him as a hero. Someone who saved her, and gave her a fathers love. He isn’t trying to replace Brian. He’s picking up the pieces that he left all over the floor, aka Anberlynn and I. He’s a savior. and he doesn’t deserve to feel unworthy or inadequate. For all of those people expecting me to stay widowed, and forever heartbroken, I am sorry.

I am sorry that you thought you had a say-so in my life. I am sorry you thought at all that God didn’t have plans for me past 25.

Lenny came into my life for a reason. We may not have the perfect relationship. But everyday we get up and we try. Because we know that it’s worth it.

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